What's Yours Is Mine? - Budgeting Tips for Couples
For richer, for poorer. What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours. Happy wife, happy life. These are phrases we have all heard before when it comes to couples and money. Talking about ones finances is already a touchy subject or seen as taboo, imagine what it is like when potentially combining them with someone else? Also, knowing that finances is one of the leading causes of divorce, really puts the pressure on making sure there is a solid foundation as a couple. However, I am here to let you know that it is possible to create that foundation with someone else. While reflecting on my first year of marriage, I thought it would be great to discuss the challenges and wins of managing our own finances in order to inspire other couples (married, dating or engaged) that could be facing similar pressures.
For starters, it wasn’t easy! During our pre-marriage counseling sessions, I felt like finances was the topic that could hold us back. One of us wanted to continue to keep our finances separate except for our student loan debt, while the other wanted to combine everything. After some intense discussions and mediation, we decided that combining everything was the best for us. We realized that we both wouldn’t have been on a trajectory towards financial freedom if we hadn’t been splitting the bills since moving to NYC. For us, it made sense to combine because we had technically already started building wealth “together”.
So how exactly is our financial system set up? Well the main thing to note is that all of our paychecks go into one account that we both can see and manage. This helps avoid the constant Venmo transfers when managing your finances separately. Next, we each have our OWN separate account where we get our “allowance” to do whatever we want. We thought it was key to have our own accounts because no one wants tabs kept on them for the purchases they are making. Lastly, we set thresholds for when it comes to household purchases. What I mean by that is purchases don’t need to be discussed with the other if its under a certain amount. And quite frankly, it makes things a lot smoother because my wife purchases things that we need for the household before we run out of it and have to scramble.
We didn’t get here overnight though, we certainly bumped heads along the way! Here are a few things we learned and implemented that every couple should consider:
Get Financially Naked. There shouldn’t be any secrets between you especially from a financial perspective. Whether it is a big amount of debt, an account with a substantial amount of money, bad spending habits...lay it on the table so it can be addressed. Unaddressed financial habits and secrets is what will stand in the way of couples building wealth.
Establish Money Dates. These are times where you both come together to discuss your budget, goals, or any topic you have in mind. It is the best way to make sure nobody feels left out of the financial decisions and allows the couple to get on the same page.
Remember that you are a team. And teams work together to accomplish the common goal. Every decision that is made should be in the best interest of both of you.
As you can see, discussing personal finances and getting on the same page with your significant other can be a tricky part of the relationship. You have to find a system that works for both individuals so everyone is happy. If you’re struggling balancing the wants/needs of your partner, figuring out a system that works for both individuals, or simply want to get financially naked with your significant other to start building wealth together, DWM wants to help! We’d like to formally announce that we are now offering couples coaching sessions. If you have been wanting to get on the same page with your significant other financially, look no further!
Holding You Accountable,
DWM