Wealthy Weekends Story: Pamela Dancy

Pamela Dancy was born and raised in the great state of South Carolina. During her free time, you can catch her cooking for fun as she considers herself a foodie or even sewing. After obtaining a B.S. degree in Criminal Justice from the University of South Carolina, she joined the Army where she served as a Military Police. While in the military, she got married and had two sons before retiring as a Major after 10 years to become a stay-at-home parent. Like 40% of marriages in the US, unfortunately it ended in a divorce. In many cases after a divorce, some women are usually worst off financially because they either aren’t employed or they are under employed. My mom didn’t want to become a statistic after experiencing this financial setback. This Wealthy Weekend feature means a lot to me. I am really excited to share my mom's journey and how she successfully recovered from a financial setback.

DWM: What motivated you to not let the divorce get the best of you financially? 

Pamela: While it was one of the scariest things I’ve been through, I knew that I couldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself. I had to get up, be an example, and continue to care for myself and my three sons. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom with one in college, one in 10th grade, and one preparing to head to middle school. I had not worked outside the home since getting out of the Army to support my children's father in his military career and to care for my then, 2 sons. Although I received financial support (e.g. child support, spousal support), I knew I would have to be on a tight budget until I found employment because those funds would come to an end one day. 

DWM: What steps did you take to get back on your feet?  

Pamela: One of the first things I did after the divorce was open up a bank account in my name. I have had accounts in my name before but had closed them. Additionally, I was able to secure employment in the retail space to at least bring some income into the household.

Next, I addressed my mental and spiritual health. I started praying and reading scriptures three times a day, journaling, being honest with my thoughts and even participated in individual/group counseling for some time. I made an effort to surround myself with "safe people" in my life. My sons encouraged me to eat/sleep and would offer hugs. My mom and several really good friends were an example of perseverance to me of not giving up. They offered words of encouragement and were available for me to call them any time I needed to talk, cry, or vent.     

DWM: What would you say was the most difficult part of the process?  

Pamela: The finances! I had a credit card with a balance of $12,000.00, a mortgage of almost $4,000.00, insurance (i.e. house, vehicle, life), monthly utilities and food. Additionally, a car that was not as mechanically sound as it needed to be. 

While getting back on my feet, I made some tough choices and many sacrifices for myself and children. I just did what I had to do to take care of them, even if it meant going without certain things. I planned meals and continued to shop with a grocery list and coupons. I chose not to run the heater/AC on my side of the house and bought a space heater for the winter and an extra fan for the warmer months to decrease my electric and gas bills. I made the minimum payments on my credit card to keep my credit score in a very good range. I made changes to the phone and cable bills to reduce the monthly payment. I ultimately did all this in order to make sure all of our needs were met and to keep my finances afloat during this transition.

With sacrifices, comes rewards though! Almost four years after my divorce and after attending a debt boot camp, I sold the house I lived in with my former spouse. I qualified for and was able to purchase a new home using my VA benefit.  From the proceeds I was able to pay off my $12,000 in credit card debt, repay moneys I had taken from my IRA and insurance, pay off the college loan I had taken out for my middle son, and purchase a used mechanically sound car.  I was even able to return to school to complete the Master's degree in Human Resources Development that I started in 1989 without incurring any debt. 

DWM: What is one piece of advice you would give to anyone trying to recover from a financial setback? 

Pamela: One piece of advice I would offer to anyone trying to get back on their feet from a financial setback (or any situation) is to keep pushing. I like to think about how God wouldn’t put me in a situation that I wouldn’t come out of stronger. If you set a plan to accomplish something and create steps to get there, just trust the process. Another key thing I would encourage everyone to do is surround themselves with safe and caring people. While things were challenging, they weren't all bad. I had the love and support of my sons, as well as family and friends that encouraged me throughout the entire time.